Remember the Good Old Days?

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, typewriters didn’t have plastic keys!

This was a brand new laptop, just last month.  I’m probably still paying for it.  Haven’t even figured all this Window 7 stuff out yet and my “S” key is already melted!

They just don’t make machines like they used to.  I bet Mark Twain didn’t have half the problems we do nowadays with all this junk technology.  He probably had a real typewriter, one with wrought iron, metal keys; something you could leave a lit cigarette on, go get a cup of coffee and not have to worry about your whole house burning down and toxic fumes, stinkin’ burning plastic and all kinda pollution coming outa the machine.

Now, I know somebody’s probably going to try and tell me I should quit smoking.  And I probably should but, it probably won’t happen, at least not in this lifetime.  If you think I’m a miserable old goat now, you should see me when I try to quit smoking.

Smoking is good for some people and I’m one of them.  It drives the Doctors nuts when they give me physicals, stress tests and all those wierd  examinations.  One time they stuck me in some contraption that looked like a glass helicopter with a breathalyzer and a bunch of computer wires hooked up to me.  The technician had to leave the door open and wave his arms while he was screaming, “Inhale hard, exhale harder, longer, more, more , more, harder, a little bit more, more, more”!

When I flopped outa the bubble, all sweaty from huffin’ and puffin’ on his damn air tube he showed me the ticker tape with the results and said I did amazingly well. He wanted to know how long ago it was since I had my last smoke.  He figured I’d quit 30 years ago, or something and the Doctor sent me in for a follow up, I guess. When I told the guy I had my last smoke about 15 minutes ago, he almost choked !

And all the stories you hear about bartenders and airline stewardesses croaking from second hand smoke, hah!  They’re making it up.  I have proof.  Have your ever heard of a dog or cat catching cancer from people smoking cigarettes around them?

Now, I try and be polite and don’t smoke around non-smokers but, I won’t let them kiss me, either, at least not on the lips, anyway.

When the Doctors tell me I should quit because if I don’t, I’ll die, I just smile and tell them they’ll probably die someday, too.

Anyway, the laptop is fine.  I put the fire out and turned it upside down to shake all the ashes outa the keyboard and everything seems to be working perfectly. Wondering now if I shoulda spent the extra grand and bought a Mac.


9 Responses to “Remember the Good Old Days?”

  1. 1 Beverly J Struble
    April 6, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    I still have one of those lovely old “Underwood”s you are pining for…I also have a Mac. Neither has been tested by Fire.Thank goodness.
    The Underwood survived 3 girls and term papers all the way through College! Still works- tape is now hard to find!! I love the way the keys click. Each typewriter sounded so different.
    Remember how the crime was solved because the ransom note was tracked to a particular typewriter that has an “f” that printed funny? talk about the Good old days!!!
    The Mac has survived one Airplane trip to Creative Conferences in Colorado- and 8 cats. So far so good. Thanks for the memories!!!! B

  2. 2 Sumitran
    April 6, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    Mike, what a great inspiration you are for the ‘feel-guilty-about-smoking’ multitude ! May your tribe flourish and increase manifold 🙂 !
    After all we live just once and what the heck … do what you like and be gone in the knowledge that you do not leave with any regrets ! I am reminded of an old joke which goes something like this. Well, the joke is so old that there couldn’t be very many who may have not heard of it before : A man read so much about the ill effects of smoking that he gave up reading 🙂 ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha !!
    My office computer (a regular desktop variety) has a keyboard where the ampersand (@) key has somehow gotten itself interchanged with the open quotation symbol key (“). I’ve gone so used to using it the other way round, now when I use my laptop at home, or any other machine elsewhere, I have some problems initially, until I remember the right way to do it !
    Excellent post again, Mike ! Do keep ’em coming !
    Best Regards,

  3. April 6, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Mark Twain and his typewriter with wrought iron keys. Those probably were the good old days. I guess if you put a cigarette on a computer keyboard, yeah, something bad would happen.

    And you should quit smoking!

  4. April 6, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    Mike, Great post! Live and let live is what I say. If you want to throw your computer into the street and smash it to bits, or pour lighter fluid on it and set it on fire that’s your perrogative, you paid for it! Just clean up after yourself. If in the act of throwing it, you hit someone with it or set the whole block on fire, that’s another.

    Lots of people eat tofu and greens yet they still get cancer. Folks need to understand that life isn’t fair, so get over it. Worry about yourself and just leave the rest of us be.

  5. April 7, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    I love the image of Mark Twain leaving a cigarette on the wrought iron keys of his typewriter.

    And you should quit smoking!

  6. April 14, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    enjoyed reading this post but then as an anti-smoker i was annoyed at myself for laughing 🙂
    i can relate to your computer troubles as i’ve managed to wear out the touch mouse pad on my laptop & have to give it a severe poke whenever i want to click on something!!

  7. April 14, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    The mouse thing may be adjustable as far as sensitivity goes but, I’m not the guy you want teaching you that. Sitting here pounding away at 2AM on two poor, overworked laptops.
    Thanks for droppin’ in and commenting. I just posted a new one.


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