For The Birds. Sometimes This Place Is Just For The Birds !

Today is one of those days and you can read all about it over on my other blog.

SOMETIMES THIS PLACE IS FOR THE BIRDS

Lookin’ Back

Over the past year I’ve been fortunate enough to have gotten published in alot of places and I think now’s a good time to review some of the lessons I’ve learned. In no particular order here they are:

 

Editors are people:

It took me awhile to figure that out.  I know some of them can seem demanding.  They’re probably busy folks and under more stress than freelance writers.  They have deadlines to meet and I imagine they have a lot more juggling of articles to do than we could ever dream of.

For some reason, I used to picture editors eating their offspring  just so they have more room at the kitchen table but, most of them really don’t.  They’re actually humans, just some of them have their antennas tuned in to a different frequency.

Editors who send rejections are pretty decent folks. They take the time to write back to you and tell you what you’re doing wrong.  I save every one of them and use them as guidelines for my next submission. I figure you don’t have to like editors; they have to like you.

Everybody makes mistakes:

When something goes wrong, whether you did it or the editor did, get it fixed, as quickly as possible and move on.  I’ve pulled some doozies when my Spellcheck was sleeping on the job.  The damn thing doesn’t know the difference between Maria and Marla, years from tears, far from fart, goof from golf and probably rapper from paper, for all I know.  It’s a good idea to have a second opinion; get someone, anyone to proofread your work before you submit it.  That’s kinda tough sometimes when you’re in a foreign country.  Most of my proofing is done by email.  Other times, I’ve caught errors after my submission’s gone and I’ve looked it over a day or two later but, had time to catch the editor before it hit print.

Then, there’s the times an editor had a computer hiccup and misspelled something in the editing process. A misspelling actually gets published.  If you don’t tell them, you’re not doing them any favor.  They can usually make corrections online and will thank you for your support.  Next thing you know, you trust them and they trust you.  That can be a good thing but, it also lead me to make the…..

Biggest Mistake of my one year writing career:

One editor trusted me with WordPress before I really knew what it was capable of doing.  So, playing around with it one night, while she was out doing whatever editors do,  I accidentally posted an article, right on the front page of her magazine!  Damn, what are you supposed to do?

I couldn’t do the manly thing; blame it on my wife because she wasn’t here.  Dammit, I didn’t mean to submit a story.  I was just experimenting.  If it had been something halfway decent, I might have let it go but, this was garbage.  After I cussed and said, “Holy Frickin’ Sugar” a few times I sent an instant message or Tweet, not sure if it was invented at the time.  Anyway it went something like this, “OMG,  I just published an article on your website, by accident.  It’s on the FRONT PAGE, where are you?”  Within minutes we were in a conference call and got it straightened out.  Old people shouldn’t have that kind of access until they know enough about WordPress.  So, now I don’t.

Check your facts:

This isn’t easy to do online but, it is important.  There’s an awful lot of misinformation floating around on the internet.  When you’re researching and a few Doctorates are disagreeing on Wikipedia, either put both sides of the argument in your story or go check Britannica; it’s a kid’s Encyclopedia but, always leads to some reliable references.  It must be against the law to lie to children in the UK, or something like that.

Promote your work and the publication it’s in:

Use the social media to promote your articles.  Online magazines bread and butter come from hits or views on what’s posted on their sites.  Most editors know how many visits have been made to your material.  The writers drawing the crowds are the ones magazines like writing for them.  If you promote your work, the homepage and other writers’ work, everybody comes out ahead.  It’s your way of thanking the editor but, I always make it a point to thank them by email, too.

Do whatever you can to make the editor’s job easier:

It may be something as simple as finding photos on Flickr to go with your article or sizing the photos yourself.  It could be typing in the html codes for your links or putting them in parentheses, just ask.  Every online publication has their own method and it’s not always included in their writer’s guidelines.

Make sure you know the publisher’s deadlines and get your work turned in early, not at the last minute.  Editors know the people they can count on and forget about those they aren’t certain of.

I’m always looking forward to being in new publications, lots of them.  So, what’s the big deal about LOOKIN’ BACK?

I’ll answer that with a question.

How many times has something sneaked up in front of you and bit you in the butt?

 

Remember the Good Old Days?

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, typewriters didn’t have plastic keys!

This was a brand new laptop, just last month.  I’m probably still paying for it.  Haven’t even figured all this Window 7 stuff out yet and my “S” key is already melted!

They just don’t make machines like they used to.  I bet Mark Twain didn’t have half the problems we do nowadays with all this junk technology.  He probably had a real typewriter, one with wrought iron, metal keys; something you could leave a lit cigarette on, go get a cup of coffee and not have to worry about your whole house burning down and toxic fumes, stinkin’ burning plastic and all kinda pollution coming outa the machine.

Now, I know somebody’s probably going to try and tell me I should quit smoking.  And I probably should but, it probably won’t happen, at least not in this lifetime.  If you think I’m a miserable old goat now, you should see me when I try to quit smoking.

Smoking is good for some people and I’m one of them.  It drives the Doctors nuts when they give me physicals, stress tests and all those wierd  examinations.  One time they stuck me in some contraption that looked like a glass helicopter with a breathalyzer and a bunch of computer wires hooked up to me.  The technician had to leave the door open and wave his arms while he was screaming, “Inhale hard, exhale harder, longer, more, more , more, harder, a little bit more, more, more”!

When I flopped outa the bubble, all sweaty from huffin’ and puffin’ on his damn air tube he showed me the ticker tape with the results and said I did amazingly well. He wanted to know how long ago it was since I had my last smoke.  He figured I’d quit 30 years ago, or something and the Doctor sent me in for a follow up, I guess. When I told the guy I had my last smoke about 15 minutes ago, he almost choked !

And all the stories you hear about bartenders and airline stewardesses croaking from second hand smoke, hah!  They’re making it up.  I have proof.  Have your ever heard of a dog or cat catching cancer from people smoking cigarettes around them?

Now, I try and be polite and don’t smoke around non-smokers but, I won’t let them kiss me, either, at least not on the lips, anyway.

When the Doctors tell me I should quit because if I don’t, I’ll die, I just smile and tell them they’ll probably die someday, too.

Anyway, the laptop is fine.  I put the fire out and turned it upside down to shake all the ashes outa the keyboard and everything seems to be working perfectly. Wondering now if I shoulda spent the extra grand and bought a Mac.

My Office

Just a quick post today to show everyone where it all gets done. Well, the administrative part of my work, anyway; it’s in a dark and dingy bar, where everybody working with photos on a laptop should be. In a dark and dingy bar that’s not open for business, that is.

Now, why the hell would anybody want to sit in a bar to develop photos and compose articles rather than be at home or in a real office somewhere? I’ll tell you why.

The bar business is pretty slow during these tough financial times. So are the photography and writing and magazines-paying-big-bucks businesses.

Peace and quiet are what I need when I do this stuff. At home, you’re taking a big chance, expecting peace and quiet when any one of 7 Grandkids may show up. And they may even show up with their friends from school or a whole baseball team, at any time, unannounced. They could bring avian flu, swine flu, stray puppies or cats along with them. You just never know.

So, rather than pay rent for an office somewhere and throw more good money after bad, just to have someplace where I can’t be interrupted, I lock myself up in the bar. It’s dead quiet. Has 12 inch thick brick and mortar walls; can’t hear a sound.

And when those idiots inside my computers forget my passwords and tell me “Only Michael Lynch or Ryukyu Mike has Access”, I can scream back at the top of my lungs, “I am Mike Lynch” and nobody but Bill Gates, Mr Hotmail or Mr Google Account, Yahoo or WordPress can hear me.

That’s why my office is in a bar. To be continued…..